Silence is Her Answer
by haikomori
Summary: The question surprises her and she's scrambling to come up with the proper answer for him. Worse yet, she's hasn't figured it out for herself. But she tries, because he needs her, and she can't stand to see his eyes start to water.


**Again, I am aware that I have things I need to be doing. But I want to release work more. I hope you enjoy. Thank you for taking the time to read this.**

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><p>"What happens when you die?"<p>

The question, more than anything, was what caught Lightning off-guard. At first she thought it was her imagination; that she had been letting the hazardous world that was Pulse finally work her last nerve. But as she looked to her side and saw Hope's face shining from the light of the crackling fire, his green eyes set on her blue, she knew it had not been a trick of the wind.

"Hope…why do you-"

"Please Lightning." She shut her eyes, easily hearing the slight plea in his voice. She leaned against the rock wall behind her, shifting to the side so that Hope could sit with her. She slowly opened her eyes and looked ahead, eyes flitting between the fire and her companions.

Snow was closest to the fire, curled up near the flames with Serah's tear clutched in his hand. He mumbled something in his sleep and swatted at an imaginary bug before turning over and letting out a heavy snore. Lightning rolled her eyes before watching as Vanille and Fang scooted closer together, wrapping their arms around one another. Fang threw her arm over Vanille's waist, letting out a long yawn before settling against the earth. Sazh was splayed on the grass, the chicobo perched on top of his chest and using him as a roost. The night air was crisp, the occasional breeze chilling Lightning's skin, and she wanted to press closer to the fire.

"Lightning…"

She glanced at Hope. The youth that had so desperately clung to her when she began her ill-fated journey to combat Eden. Who even now refused to leave her side. And now her mission _-our mission- _had been sidetracked and morphed into a quest to save Cocoon.

And he's stayed by me this whole time. Even when I tried to shove him away. He's determined, I'll give him that. But this…why this?

"Hope, are you asking because of your mo-"

"No!" Hope shook his head, but Lightning did not miss the sudden shine in his eyes. He turned his face away, biting his lower lip and letting his platinum blond bangs fall in front of his eyes.

"That's not really it," he mumbled, hands clenching in his lap.

Lightning nodded, not quite understanding but not wanting to pry any further. She took note of a shadow moving through the air, small in the distance, but a potential threat if it caught sight of their fire. She looked back at Hope, watching while he shifted from one leg to the other, blowing out a silent sigh. Lightning closed her eyes again, taking a deep breath.

_What do you want me to say Hope? That I know all the answers? _

But even as she thought it, she knew it wasn't true. Hope knew she didn't have all the answers-if she did they would have been out their current mess.

He just wants guidance. And for whatever reason, he seems to think you're the perfect person to ask.

_Hope needs a better role model. _

"I'm not sure what happens when you die, Hope." Her words came out slowly, as if she were still trying to come up with the answer. And in a way, she was. She took a deep breath, trying to string the right words together.

"I asked myself that a lot when my parents died. And then again, when Serah turned to crystal. On any mission that a comrade died. And again, and again, and again. This journey…keeps making me examine what's happening to me and my life…and all the people around me."

Hope's eyes were glued to Lightning as she spoke, and Lightning wondered if any of what she said made sense. It didn't to her own ears, but at the same time, something was releasing in her chest. Breathing was a little easier and her shoulders seemed a little less heavy. A calmness was spreading from her chest and pooling in her stomach and fingers, but in the back of her mind there was still a buzz of unrest.

She didn't know what to think.

"I guess, what I'm trying to say is that…it's not so much death I'm worried about-but how it will affect me. Or you. Or Snow and Fang, Vanille and Sazh. How it will affect Cocoon and Pulse." Lightning sighed again, running a hand through her hair. "So try not to worry too much about it. If you're worried about your mom and…and all of that, you can talk to me about it. Or if you're worried about everyone else-whatever it is. Chances are, you'll feel a bit better."

Lightning trailed off, slumping against the rock. _I doubt that made sense to him. It didn't even make sense to me. But what am I supposed to say? I don't-just don't know what happens. And I don't want to tell him something and have him-_

"Do you mean that, Lightning?" She blinked, looking back at Hope when he crawled in front of her, eyes searching hers. Hope gulped, looking down at the ground and picking at a blade of grass. "I mean-I was-I _am _worried about this journey and everything. But-but I'm really scared that you'll die or that-that Snow or someone will die and I just-I don't want you all to get hurt-or suffer or something like that."

Hope shook his head, standing up and stepping away from Lightning. "I just-I want to think that even if you die-even if you die, you'll be happy. That whatever happens afterward…isn't so bad. I want to think that mom is happy-and if I lose you, that you'll be happy and I just…"

Hope's voice tapered off and Lightning pushed herself up and walked toward him, crouching beside him and taking his chin in her hands. Hope clenched his eyes shut and tried to yank himself away, but Lightning tightened her hold and forced him toward her.

"Hope…" Lightning muttered, waiting for him to open his eyes. Hope shook his head, eyes fluttering open and looking bright when the fire reflected off the irises.

"I don't-I don't want to think that nothing happens. I don't want to think you'll all just die and then-then I'm left alone. I don't want this to be for nothing and I don't-" Hope stopped, choking on his words, and Lightning's chest clenched. She shook her head and wrapped her arms around him, bringing him forward and pressing his face into her shoulder. She heard Hope gasp in her ear and the warmth from his breath, but she ignored it, only tightening her hold on him.

"Lightning."

"Sh…" Lightning whispered. She felt Hope trembling against her and waited until he shuddered, holding him up when he wobbled. His thin arms wound around her and he pressed his face further into her shoulder, biting back a sob that was fighting to escape his mouth. Lightning ran her fingers through his hair, humming under her breath while Hope choked and gasped. His body was shaking against hers and Lightning held on tighter, knowing that this boy on front of her was trying desperately to hold on to himself.

And right then, she was the only other lifeline he had.

"I'm sorry-I'm sorry-"

"Don't be sorry, Hope," Lightning mumbled. "Don't be sorry for needing someone."

"I'm just…I'm so _afraid._"

Lightning nodded, waiting until Hope's chokes and gasps finally subsided before slowly peeling him away from her. She clapped him on the shoulders and tried to peer into his eyes, but they were half-lidded and clouded. She felt a small, sad smile tugging at her lips as she stood and lead Hope closer to the fire, gently setting him by the flames.

Hope blinked at her before his eyes shut completely, his hand brushing against hers. Lightning pressed a hand to his forehead and reached around her shoulder, unhooking her red cape and draping it over his small form. She scooted away from him, but not so far that she would be out of his reach, and brought her knees up to her chest.

She looked around for any oncoming dangers-a monster or beast that might come at them in the night and swallow them whole. But when there were no strange noises or shadows, and long after Hope had drifted to sleep, her eyes stared into the fire. They were clouded, not seeing the crackling flames as they danced and fluttered in the slight breeze.

The question ran through her head,

"What happens you die?"

And silence was her only answer.


End file.
